I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
