Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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