Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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