They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
