we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
