She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
