Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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