I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
