I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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