and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
