I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Who died my cat blue again?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
