i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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