lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
