Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
