Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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