I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Quick, to the slutcave!
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
