I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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