I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Randomize
