Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
The struggles of a small town man whore
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
