I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
