I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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