I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
