I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
