Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
