Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
