I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
