I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
