I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Floor bacon is actually really good
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
