I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
