I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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