I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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