this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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