Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
