I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
