soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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