I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
