apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
