after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
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