As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
