So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
