He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
