went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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