I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
