Soap is not a condiment
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
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