i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
