"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
