Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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