hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
