I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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