I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
