If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
