im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Say something about gay babies.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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