She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
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She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
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ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
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