That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
