I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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