So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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