god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
