R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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