i need an iv and a liver transplant
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
