Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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