i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
and she was petting her beer can
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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