from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize