he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
