The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
