maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
