Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Life is so much better after having sex.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Randomize
