Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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