Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
