I wish you could order shots online.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
