I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
