I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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