Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
