It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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