i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Randomize
