Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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