I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize