Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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