if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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