the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
