I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
True strength comes from lack of pants
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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