He is an equal opportunity slut.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
