So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Randomize
