You're completely useless in the revolution.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
