hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
