My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
