One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
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I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
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Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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